diff --git a/src/data/cards.js b/src/data/cards.js
index 4e22a9b..f47e639 100644
--- a/src/data/cards.js
+++ b/src/data/cards.js
@@ -21,17 +21,17 @@ export const CARDS = {
     },
 
     coffee_rush: {
-        id: "coffee_rush", name: "Coffee Rush", cost: 0, type: "skill", text: "+2 Energy (this turn).",
+        id: "coffee_rush", name: "Terminal Coffee Rush", cost: 0, type: "skill", text: "+2 Energy (this turn).",
         effect: (ctx) => ctx.player.energy += 2,
         upgrades: "coffee_rush+"
     },
     "coffee_rush+": {
-        id: "coffee_rush+", name: "Coffee Rush+", cost: 0, type: "skill", text: "+3 Energy (this turn).",
+        id: "coffee_rush+", name: "Terminal Coffee Rush+", cost: 0, type: "skill", text: "+3 Energy (this turn).",
         effect: (ctx) => ctx.player.energy += 3
     },
 
     macro: {
-        id: "macro", name: "Macro Combo", cost: 1, type: "skill", text: "Replay last card for free (once/fight).",
+        id: "macro", name: "Macrobation", cost: 1, type: "skill", text: "Replay last card for free (once/fight).",
         oncePerFight: true,
         effect: (ctx) => { 
             if (ctx.lastCard && ctx.lastCard !== "macro") {
@@ -55,7 +55,7 @@ export const CARDS = {
     },
 
     type_safety: {
-        id: "type_safety", name: "Type Safety", cost: 1, type: "skill", text: "Gain 6 Block. If enemy intends attack → apply Weak(1).",
+        id: "type_safety", name: "Skill Issue", cost: 1, type: "skill", text: "Gain 6 Block. If enemy intends attack → apply Weak(1).",
         effect: (ctx) => { ctx.player.block += 6; if (ctx.intentIsAttack()) ctx.applyWeak(ctx.enemy, 1); }
     },
 
@@ -65,7 +65,7 @@ export const CARDS = {
     },
 
     segfault: {
-        id: "segfault", name: "Segfault Beam", cost: 2, type: "attack", text: "Deal 20. End your turn.",
+        id: "segfault", name: "Dark Mode", cost: 2, type: "attack", text: "Deal 20. End your turn.",
         effect: (ctx) => { ctx.deal(ctx.enemy, ctx.scalarFromWeak(20)); ctx.forceEndTurn() }
     },
 
@@ -83,17 +83,17 @@ export const CARDS = {
     },
 
     stack_overflow: {
-        id: "stack_overflow", name: "Stack Overflow", cost: 2, type: "attack", text: "Deal 1 per card in discard.",
+        id: "stack_overflow", name: "Colon Q", cost: 2, type: "attack", text: "Deal 1 per card in discard.",
         effect: (ctx) => ctx.deal(ctx.enemy, ctx.scalarFromWeak(Math.max(0, ctx.discard.length)))
     },
 
     infinite_vim: {
-        id: "infinite_vim", name: "Infinite Vim", cost: 1, type: "skill", text: "Next card costs 0.",
+        id: "infinite_vim", name: "Vibe Code", cost: 1, type: "skill", text: "Next card costs 0.",
         effect: (ctx) => ctx.flags.nextCardFree = true
     },
 
     debug_print: {
-        id: "debug_print", name: "Debug Print", cost: 0, type: "skill", text: "Draw 2. Exhaust.",
+        id: "debug_print", name: "Raw Dog", cost: 0, type: "skill", text: "Draw 2. Exhaust.",
         exhaust: true,
         effect: (ctx) => ctx.draw(2)
     },
diff --git a/src/data/relics.js b/src/data/relics.js
index 13b5fae..1a49411 100644
--- a/src/data/relics.js
+++ b/src/data/relics.js
@@ -5,7 +5,7 @@ export const RELICS = {
         hooks: { onTurnStart: (ctx) => ctx.draw(1) }
     },
     standing_desk: {
-        id: "standing_desk", name: "Motions",
+        id: "standing_desk", name: "Vim Motions",
         text: "+10 Max HP.",
         hooks: { onRunStart: (ctx) => { ctx.player.maxHp += 10; ctx.player.hp += 10; } }
     },
@@ -15,12 +15,12 @@ export const RELICS = {
         hooks: { onDamageTaken: (ctx, dmg) => Math.ceil(dmg * 0.9) }
     },
     coffee_thermos: {
-        id: "coffee_thermos", name: "Coffee Thermos",
+        id: "coffee_thermos", name: "Terminal Coffee Thermos",
         text: "Start each fight with Coffee Rush.",
         hooks: { onBattleStart: (ctx) => { ctx.player.energy += 2; ctx.log("Thermos: +2 energy") } }
     },
     cpp_compiler: {
-        id: "cpp_compiler", name: "C++ Compiler",
+        id: "cpp_compiler", name: "Haskell",
         text: "First attack each turn deals double.",
         state: { used: false },
         hooks: {
@@ -29,12 +29,12 @@ export const RELICS = {
         }
     },
     chat_mod_sword: {
-        id: "chat_mod_sword", name: "Chat Mod Sword",
+        id: "chat_mod_sword", name: "Worst Streamer Award",
         text: "Start fights with 1 Weak on all enemies.",
         hooks: { 
             onBattleStart: (ctx) => {
                 ctx.applyWeak(ctx.enemy, 1);
-                ctx.log("Chat Mod Sword: Enemy starts Weak!");
+                ctx.log("Worst Streamer Award: Enemy starts Weak!");
             }
         }
     },